Interpersonal conflict refers to disagreement that occurs when two or more individuals who must work together fail to agree to the same matter. In the work sector, this is common as each of us have our own unique views to certain issues and we also have different goals or interests. But how about with your close friends and family? Do you think interpersonal conflict do present even though you knew one another very well?
I believe that interpersonal conflict can happen to anyone even with people whom you are close with.
I once had a very close friend in secondary school. Due to our common interest and similar personality, we cliqued instantly and became best friends for many years. However, our friendship fell apart. In our final year, I was appointed as the platoon commander for my CCA and was in charge in training my CCA mates for the marching parade. It was of great honor for me as it showed me that my officers believed that I had the ability to be a leader. However, my friend doubted that I am up for the role . If I made a mistake during training, she would smirk and challenge my authority. On the other hand if she was the one who made the mistake, she would be piss off when I pointed it out. Because of our different roles in the CCA, we often had conflict over such issues and our friendship slowly drifted apart. It was hard to manage the two conflicting roles which is being a leader and a friend at the same time. As a leader, I need to be fair to everyone but as a friend I have to consider the feelings of my friend.
Our friendship finally broke down when I caught her attempting to pull down the morale of the entire group during training. It was the last straw. I felt that she did not give me the respect I needed as a leader and she was influencing the others to follow her suit.
After so many years, we still had not resolved the problem in our broken friendship but we no longer hate each other. We are more like 'hi-bye' friends now. As I look back now, I wonder if things would have been different if I had talked to her directly about our issues.
Do you think I should talk to her about it after so many years or should I just let bygones be bygones?
Hi Michelle,
ReplyDeleteI feel that this situation could be one that many of us would have experienced at least once before. I myself have had a situation whereby a close friend became(even if not an enemy) very distant because of unfortunate circumstances.
Whether the relationship can be mended depends largely upon your feelings towards it. Personally, I would let bygones be bygones. Especially if you are very certain that you would never have the chance to either interact with her closely or work with her again in the future. While this may sound strange given that we are in a communications course, broken relationships are always thorny issues that are difficult to approach in a sensible manner.
It would be all too easy for an outsider to simply say that you should try to salvage the relationship, but as you would be the one actually doing it, hence the final decision would really depend on your feelings towards it.
Hi Michelle,
ReplyDeleteI think the situation that you faced sometime back was a common issue among teens. Friends around you get sore when your abilities are being recognised and sought after for instead of theirs. It is not unusual for some individuals who will seek every opportunity to demonstrate their abilities and qualities so as to gain recognition.
Personally, I feel that you should give it a shot to resolve the past misunderstanding. In my point of view, I presume that the both of you no longer bear grudges against each other, but instead coveting for the other party to make the first move. Perhaps, you can initiate the first step by striking a conversation with her. Small talks can serve as a good start and do take note of the non-verbal cues and signals she is giving. If she is still feeling bitter about the past and trying to evade a conversation with you, you should perhaps give up the idea of clearing past misunderstandings. But if she feels comfortable with you, it is a good sign. After several conversations with her, you can drop subtle hints that you are approaching the past issue. Do help her get a clearer picture from your point of view then, that you were trying to be impartial as a leader and was definitely not abusing your authority just to get even with her. I believe that through genuine communication with each other, your friendship will no longer be a standstill.
Hope this helps. :)
Sharlene.
Thank you, Michelle, for sharing this conflict scenario. It's concise and fairly clear, even with some language issues. What's most important is that you describe the friendship and the eventual "break up" quite well. For me, it's an indication that, in fact, most interpersonal conflicts happen within tightly bonded friends and family members. (I once read that most murders in the US are actually committed against a person whom the murderer intimately knows. I'm not sure that this is still the case.)
ReplyDeleteIn your story, you describe how your role evolved to include that of marching parade trainer. Your friend was simply a member. Do you think she was jealous? What else might have been her motivation for treating you so badly in your role?
As I mentioned, there are some language problems. This sentence, for example:
"Do you think interpersonal conflict do present even though you knew one another very well?"
What does it mean?